Shopping with Purpose

Hi Everyone! It's so nice to be back blogging after my looong high seas adventure. What was the first thing I did when I got back? Yep, you guessed it!

Let’s face it, I love shopping, and as my friends routinely point out to me, I have no qualms about spending my money… What could possibly go wrong, right?

Admittedly, this does tend to get me in trouble from time to time because I’ll end up with clothes I don’t need (is there really such a thing?), spend too much, or make somewhat questionable fashion choices in the heat of the moment while in the spirit of shopping. Trust me, I could do a “what not to wear” from my closet at times as easily as I could do a fashion blog. I’ll spare you the pain of seeing my previous shopping blunders. It is all good though! Why? Because we learn from our shopping mistakes… or at least we are about to start learning now ;-)

Given my history of somewhat frivolous shopping habits, I’ve taken to being diligent about shopping with purpose and with specific goals in mind. My latest shopping adventure proved to be a wonderful example of my new strategies successfully in motion.  I was lucky enough to find myself this past weekend at the Providence Place Mall (one of those insidious, three story malls with tons of stores). But before I get into what works for me when it comes to being an effective shopper, I want to talk a little about learning the stores you frequent and tailoring your expectations accordingly. During this particular trip I visited Forever 21, Express, and H&M. Knowledge of the ins and outs of each store comes with experience, so I’ll share mine with you now:

Forever 21 – As the name implies, F21 is targeted towards a younger crowd (teens and early twenties) and are sized to fit typical body types of that age group while being super “trendy”. Whenever I shop there, I ask myself “Is this age appropriate?” (I’m 28, so with many items, the answer is no). Luckily F21 has a huge variety of styles with several different lines, one caters to a slightly older, more contemporary look... this line is called “Love 21”, and is geared towards more adult body shapes, it usually has its own section in most locations. This is where I focus my efforts and find classier pieces that better fit my body and wardrobe.

Forever 21, in my experience, is pretty hit or miss… but has potential to offer unique hidden gems of creativity. Items are way cheaper than most places, which is awesome for shopping on a budget, however, as you may imagine sometimes (not all though) the quality suffers as a result. Clothes from F21 will fall apart, seams will come loose, there will be errors in stitching… its only a matter of time (I've often joked that the name means the clothes will only last 21 days, but thats probably a bit harsh). If you are ok with a little mending, you can easily sew things back together. If not, just set your expectations for your garments to have a limited lifetime. I encourage checking out F21 online to shop, the in-store locations are pretty jumbled, I sometimes feel like I’m literally rummaging through a teenage girl's room looking for clothes to borrow. The organization online makes finding things you want much easier.

Express – I love most pieces from Express, they have clean lines, sophistication, and just the right amount of femininity for my taste. Unfortunately, Express is also expensive, as many “name brands” can be. It pays big dividends to watch for sales at these places, they happen regularly, so be patient… twice a year or so they may even hit clearances where everything is 50% off (or more!). Don’t fall into the trap of paying full price, it takes a bit of vigilance to wait for the sale but it’s well worth it, especially for more expensive items. Express has a rewards program, many stores do, it’s not much, but saves you $10 here and there, every little bit helps! You can also shop online which is nice to catch quick sales and snipe a piece you’ve had your eye on in the store for a bargain.

The tailoring of Express clothing trends towards favoring more slender, less curvaceous body types and is subsequently more flattering for those who have more subtle curves (I fit into this category… one more reason Express is a good store for me). Not everything they sell fits that description, but its a definite trend in their lines. Also, I have found that sleeves on Express tops are always too narrow. Tops that fit me wonderfully across the back and chest are often pretty tight around my forearms. I work with it, but if you have more muscular arms, it may cause fit problems. Bottom line, if you're looking for higher quality, classy looking apparel, and don't mind spending more... Express is a good match for you.

H&M – H&M is another one of my favorites. It falls pretty nicely between "F21" and "Express" type stores, offering a reasonable range of prices, great clearance deals if you can catch them, and a solid variety of styles from which to chose. I’ve found sizing is pretty consistent without many quirks. The clothing tends to be geared towards more of the mid/late twenties age group and up on average; it still has some edgy/trendy vibes but airs usually more conservatively than F21. It is a shame there isn’t a location nearer to me or I would shop there more often. They have an online store, however I’ve never found it to be as helpfully accessible as other sites… not entirely sure why. 

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Given that these three are probably my most common stores to shop (aside from ideeli.com), I know my sizes in these stores by heart, so shopping at these locations (and online) is a bit faster and more reliable than at stores I’m not as accustomed to. I don’t always have to try everything on (though it never hurts and saves on returning items).

So, how do I go about shopping with purpose? There is no right or wrong way to shop, I firmly believe that shopping should make you happier! If it doesn’t, then try approaching it differently. Below are a few tips that keep me on track and happy whilst spending my hard earned money.

1. Set a budget – I’m probably the worst at this one, however setting a budget forces me to be a pickier shopper. Its good to be picky. If I can only spend $100, then I want to get the most for my money. That doesn’t necessarily mean buying a bunch of cheap items though, I want value, not quantity. For example, a nice $100 jacket that goes with everything, and I’ll wear often is so much more valuable in my wardrobe than 10, $10 tops that all look cheap.

2. Keep a Running List of what you Need or Want – Write it down or just remember it, however you want… there are always items we need either for an upcoming occasion, replacing a worn out piece, rounding out a gap in your wardrobe or jumping on the latest trend. The point of this list is to keep yourself focused in the sea of shiny, glamorous, advertisement filled stores designed to coax your hard earned money from your wallet. Having reminders of what I’m looking for helps me develop this jedi-like focus I need to not simply buy an entire store (if only I could!). I love using Pinterest to keep a list of wants and needs in picture form, its fun and useful! Check out the link to see my list in action. I also often provides motivation for shopping for me (as if I’m ever lacking motivation to shop!). Identifying things you’ll need in the future well ahead of time saves the stressful panic of trying to find things at the last minute.

3. Allow Yourself to be Fluid while Shopping – My best discoveries, as with most of life, are of things I wasn’t looking for to start. If something catches your eye, go for it! Let shopping inspire you. Don’t get locked into looking just for specific things on your list. Creativity comes from not being restricted.

4. Evaluate each Purchase before you buy – Ask yourself those difficult questions to really decide if something is right for you.

1.     Does this fit and is it flattering?

2.     Does it fit into my budget? Is it on sale? Or can I get this for less later? 

3.     Is this a stand alone piece? Or is it something likely to be used in combination with other things (layering, etc)? How does this go with the rest of my wardrobe?

4.     Do I have an occasion to wear this? Will I wear it often?

5.     Is this on my list of needs and wants?

6.     Does this fit my personality/style?

If you answer yes to all or most of these then it’s probably a great choice, if not… there are so many options out there, why settle for something that isn’t exactly what you want? If you are unsure of a piece, be sure of the return policy!

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Let's see how I did!

The Plan: Expanding my summer wardrobe by finding some cute, loose fitting tops, and a pair of nice white pants to be more of a staple piece. Oh! and explore... thats always part of the plan.

The Budget: $200 

The Results!

I ended up spending about $240, so not too far off my goal, but still over (yes, I'm still a work in progress). But! I ended up with 9 new items, so it was a good haul.

I bought several button up, flowy blouse tops at Express that are perfect for stylishly beating the heat as well as a found that pair of white pants on my list. One great thing about light colors on the bottom with darker colors on top is that it emphasizes your lower half, this is a great trick for those looking to lessen the appearance of broad shoulders. Take a look at one of the tops and the pants: 

Essentially I purchased everything I "needed" at Express, but since I went there first... I obviously had to check out my other favorite stores, just in case there were treasures to be found :-)

And there were!

Both this lovely creme, polka dot, tank top (F21) and the purple crop sweater (H&M) were amongst my purchases. I loved the color on the sweater (the pictures don't do it justice really), its soft, was basically a homerun in all the other evaluation categories too. Crop cuts (the bottom hem of the shirt is cut higher than normal hitting at the waist rather than the hips) help define the waist, which is usually flattering. Plus, it was only $10 and I know I’ll get plenty of use out of it throwing it over just about anything, probably my favorite purchase of the putting. The polka dot trend has recently struck my fancy so I figured this top from F21 would have possibilities as a bottom layer piece to add a fun, more feminine texture to an outfit (as you can see here). At $12 if it doesn’t work out, its not a big loss.

And more!

(with dramatic lighting)

This dark grey ruched sleeveless top (H&M) caught my eye and it fit, so the rest is history. I have a weakness for this gunmetal color which just so happens to be one of my colors! If you're looking to find your own best colors, check out my guide to color analysis. The ruching on the sides is super flattering. Ruching can be used to break up the body's true lines as well as hide any areas that may have a bit extra. It will be a great top for a night out. Now I just need someone to take me!

Thanks everyone! It's nice to be back blogging for you!

I'm pretty psyched about it, as is my wardrobe ;-) 

If you have any shopping tips please head to the "A Stylish Transition" Facebook page share!

As always, spread the love with a "Like" while you're there.

Improving the Trans "Community" on an Individual Basis

Over the past few weeks I have been very outspoken. I challenged others in "activist" roles to make things better, so in the spirit of fairness I wanted to share the ways I think each person can do their part to making the trans world a better place for everyone, be they trans or not.

This advice took the form of a personal pledge to help take the transgender movement into a new generation. The overarching philosophy of this pledge is matching self perception with external perception, thus enabling a person to truly be themselves and convey that sense of identity effectively to others. This is a universal endeavor of everyone, but decidedly difficult for a transgender person because of the initial disparity between our self view and how the world views us. This goal of perfect unity in perception is unattainable, accept that, but work towards it nonetheless. Since we are constantly evolving our own self views throughout our lives, this is a lifelong endeavor.

To accomplish this, one must pledge to:

1. Be responsible for defining yourself to you.

• Refuse to take your identity from labels, they represent only imperfect points or ranges in a world of spectrums. Define your own.
• You must first learn yourself before you can teach yourself to others. Challenge yourself to go through this process personally rather than simply joining a group or accepting a label of similar traits. Be unique, define yourself as such.

2. Refuse to attempt to define or alter another’s self identity. You get to have your perception of them, but only they can form their self view.

3. Realize that you, as a person in the world, are a combination of your self perception and how others see you. This combination is who you are and not all of it is within your control. You are not entitled to have others see you the way you see yourself, that must be earned with each individual.

4. Commit to honestly perceiving others, learning how they view themselves, and identifying the space inbetween. Don’t be afraid to share this space with them in a mature and constructive dialog. This information is essential for them to work towards the goal of unity of perceptions.

5. Know that you cannot simply tell others how to view you. You must convince them through your actions, values, and appearance. Ultimately, they get to decide... be ok with that. If you don’t like what they decide but feel their assessment is genuine, then work to change how you communicate your self view. The more effectively you communicate yourself, be it through words, creativity, or appearance, the closer their view of you will be to who you feel you are.

6. Connect with others, see how they perceive you, then decide whose perceptions you care about and whose you are content with simply dismissing. Not everyone matters. Learn how you can better convey your self identity to those that do. Repeat this process again, and again to narrow the gap between your perception and theirs.

7. Side with realism instead of idealism. Work with how the world is instead of how it should be. Accept that life is not fair. Many times, especially with circumstances beyond your control, other’s will simply never be able to see you the way you view yourself. There is nothing wrong with that. Be willing to learn to change your self perception in a positive way so you can be happy. Learn to find a beauty in what you are, in how others perceive you.

8. Constantly develop the art of expressing yourself. Listen to and watch others, see how they describe themselves, present themselves, what they value... take the ideas you identify with, dismiss those that aren’t you.

By striving to do these fundamental things, we are able to maintain perspective on the world around us and truly appreciate our place in that world. With this understanding we are then able to go about changing our place in the world and reconciling where we want to be with where we are.

Finding Your Color Season - Part 2

Last post we took a look at the basics of color theory and discussed the beginnings of seasonal color analysis. By the end of the post you should have determined which of the four seasons you belong to. If you missed the previous post please follow the link below to get up to speed and then jump back here when you’re done.

Find Your Color Season

We talked about the 6 distinct characteristics of seasonal color theory: Warm, Cool, Deep, Light, Clear, and Soft. Each season has three of this characteristics possible within it. The graphic below illustrates how all the characteristics and seasons fit together.

You will notice that seasons share characteristics, for example:

-       Winter and Spring share the Clear characteristic

-       Summer and Autumn share the Soft characteristic

-       Winter and Autumn share the Deep characteristic

-       Spring and Summer share the Light characteristic

And so on… you get the idea. By sharing defining characteristics, one season may “flow” into another (cue the African chanting from Circle of Life) and subsequently some of the colors in each palette are shared. 

I have made the four flowcharts below for each season to help you find your dominant characteristic within that season. You’ll also see your “best” color palette at the bottom of each chart. Sometimes this process can be tricky. As we’ve seen, seasons can blend into each other so be ready to try it a few times or even consult other sources to see if you can find a better approach.

My approach to making these flowcharts was to take the huge list of personal coloring descriptors and sort through them to try to weed out the unique traits. It’s not perfect, but it’ll help you narrow your choices down to at least two most likely.

Go ahead, give it a shot! Click the images to enlarge...

Spring

Summer

Autumn

Winter

 

Now that you have your season and defining characteristic feel free to check out which colors are best for you. There is a ton of helpful information as to what colors are best for each group online, so rather than try to repeat it all, I’ve included links to the best sources I’ve found. These sites will give you extra help in determining your season and defining characteristic as well. Enjoy!

How to Find Your Perfect Colors

Seasonal Color Analysis (another method)

Descriptions of each season and defining characteristics:

-       Autumn

-       Winter

-       Spring

-       Summer

The 16 Season Color Analysis System 

(if you’re feeling adventurous)

Awesome Pinterest Collection on Seasonal Colors 

(many links to the best makeup colors, clothing colors, other methods of finding your season)

If you find any other links that are useful please send them my way and I'll add to the list.

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Tell your friends, they should be colorful too!

Finding Your Color Season - Part 1

We all know we look better in some colors than in others, it’s probably likely that those colors are more common in your wardrobes, and end up being your go-to pieces when nothing quite seems to look right. If you’re just starting to build a wardrobe, learning to pay more attention to colors, or even simply just trying to look radiant, spending time to discover “your” colors is quite rewarding. Wearing colors that don’t compliment your personal coloring can make you look washed out, sallow, and just unremarkable in general. No one wants that! 

By far the best resource I’ve discovered on the subject was a book entitled “Color Me Beautiful” by Carole Jackson. I found it on amazon, and at first was a little skeptical about the more “retro” look of the book itself, copyrighted in 1980 (and boy does it look it!). Eager for knowledge, I plunged into the time machine and bought myself a copy anyways. The title says it all and the advice inside is timeless. (yea, yea don’t judge a book by its cover… I get it). It is presented in an easy to read, and practical to apply form...  plenty of charts and tables to organize the important information. It also has great advice on style and fashion beyond simply color. Go buy yourself a copy! You’ll be happy you did J

Alright, time to taste the rainbow… or at least look at its colors (exercising the other senses is optional).

Look at all the possibilities! In the case of finding the perfect set of personal colors, color groups were traditionally broken into four seasons. You guessed it… Summer, Autumn, Winter, and Spring. This four color seasons system, as described in the book “Color Me Beautiful” is incomplete in that it does not take all aspects of coloring into consideration. Despite being a simplification, it is where we will start. More contemporary practices proceed to break down the seasons even further adding more sub-groupings, creating 12 in total. Some even go further to use a 16 group system.

Before we adventure off to find our colors, let’s do a quick lesson in color theory so we can all speak intelligently about it later. Nothing says life of the party like a solid knowledge of color theory!

Color Theory 101

This seasonal color analysis practice is based around the idea of the Munsell Color System, illustrated above (check out the wiki link if you’d really like to geek out for a moment.). If you prefer the explanation in plain English… the system was developed to scientifically classify and compare colors using three characteristics:

Hue: Which color in the spectrum is it?

Value: Intensity, How light or dark is the color?

Chroma: Saturation, How clear (vibrant) or muted is the color?

Taking combinations of the extremes of these three characteristics gives us 6 distinct possible defining characteristics for a person. I made the handy graphic below to illustrate these qualities on the Munsell Color System:

1.Warm (Golden undertones)
2. Cool (Blue undertones)

3. Deep (Dark)

4. Light (Delicate)

5. Soft (Muted)

6. Clear (Vibrant)

You all still with me? Good! Now, in order to determine our personal color season we need to first observe our natural colorings by taking a look at our skin tone, hair color, and eye color. Let’s take a look in the mirror with some good natural light, no makeup, and discover our personal coloring by answering the questions below.

Skin Tone:

Does your skin have blueish (or blue-pink) undertones? Or more golden (or even orange) undertones? If you’re having a hard time figuring it out, try looking at the insides of your wrists, hold something true white behind to mask any other colors from view.  This works best on untanned spots on your body… so go ahead, take a moment to explore your skin tone. This is a good indicator if you have warm or cool coloring. Warm = Autumn or Spring, Cool = Summer or Winter. 

Hair Color:

What is your natural hair color? If you wear a wig or color your hair in a color other than your natural color, this color should not be considered since it does not occur naturally on your body. Often times artificial hair colors will only look “natural” if they fit into the same color grouping as your original coloring. Is your hair light (blonde, gray, white) or dark (black, dark brown)? What color are your natural highlights? In general, is the tone of the color warmer (golden, red-ish, yellow-ish) or cool (blue-ish, no highlights, ashy tones)? 

Eye Color:

This one should be the most simple to determine… What color are your eyes naturally?

Jot down the answers to these questions…. I’ll use myself as an example:

Skin tone: Pale, almost alien-like blueish glow (charming I know)

Hair Color: Dark Brown, an ashy, grayish tone, no gold/red highlights

Eye Color: Blue to Gray-blue

With your descriptions in hand, we can now determine our color season. I've spent many hours compiling information from several sources in an effort to make a simple flowchart to help us out. Keep in mind, this isn't a perfect method... but it will get most people to the correct season. Click the image below to enlarge and find your season!

 Congratulations! You now have your color season based on the four season system. I'm a Winter, (brrr... not my favorite season weather-wise). With your season, you are ready to move along into the 12 season system in our next post to determine your defining coloring characteristic: Warm, Cool, Deep, Light, Soft, or Clear. 

It's wonderful to be back blogging, 

a big thank you for all the support 

as I move forward with transitioning!

As always, if you enjoy the content 

 Like the blog on Facebook! 
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and share with your friends.

Cheers, Kayci

An Interview with the Fabulous Monica Prata!

In an effort to mix things up a bit and bring new insights and resources to the blog, I’ve sat down for an interview with my fabulous friend the lovely Ms. Monica Prata.

Monica and I met years ago at the First Event conference in Boston and have remained friends ever since. I’ve worked with her on several occasions and always find valuable insights within her spirited teaching style. She was the one who got me started on learning the basics of presenting myself in a way that I felt was authentic and expressed who I wanted to become. Given her talents and passion for the transgender community, I’ve been eager to have her provide some insight into her experiences. Hopefully I can convince her to do a guest article at some point (hint! hint!)

Monica is the creator of Nouveau She, 

her website describes the genuine, caring nature of what she does:

“Nouveau She provides full-range femininity training in-person and online, offering lessons in wardrobe, makeup application and deportment.  Whether you're just discovering your feminine-self or have made the decision to transition, Nouveau She will help you to improve your image and increase your confidence.  Nouveau She is not a traditional transformation studio. Here we do not play dress-up and we do not use photoshop.  With Nouveau She you'll learn how to actually be more feminine, by way of image and attitude.  Our lessons will not just wash away the second you take your makeup off.  Our objective is not to create a caricature of femininity but rather to illuminate your beauty within, bringing forth your authentic feminine-self.”

So without further ado! The interview:

Kayci: How did you become involved with working in the transgender community? Was it what you expected?

Monica: In high school I was on the debate team and became really passionate about LBGTQ rights. I wanted to write a bill to legalize same sex marriage... this was back when it wasn’t a big ticket item for people.  I was passionate to the point that people, even my mom, asked about my sexuality. I’m not gay, I just feel really strongly about it. My first job in high school was in retail at Nordstrom’s selling high-end women’s apparel. I would notice that men would come into the store looking for things for their wives or girlfriends… it was obvious that they were nervously looking for themselves. The fact that people were so uncomfortable was really saddening. I was happy to see them there, so I tried to help pick out things that would fit them. I’d find something and leave it in the dressing for them, telling them:

“Oh, while I was looking for your wife, I found a pair of “khakis” that would be great for you… I set them in dressing room 4.”

They were always appreciative… that was how it all started! I always felt comfortable with people of gender differences, I never saw a difference between them and anyone else, because there isn’t really.

Eventually, I got a job working as an artist for MAC where their motto was “All ages, All races, All sexes” which I totally identified with. A lot of times male or transgender clients would come in, but there weren’t a lot of artists who were competent or comfortable in working with trans individuals. I just enjoyed seeing how big a difference it made to them, they’d leave with big smiles on their faces, it was really nice. I left MAC after two years and started moving out on my own, doing makeup for weddings, photo shoots and that sort of thing, but I also kept many of the trans clients I had met. I realized the necessity for resources like that for the community. Eventually I started my business and things have just grown from there.

K: So now that you’ve worked within the Trans community for quite a while, what do you find the most challenging aspect of working with the trans community?

M: The most challenging part is definitely dealing with a lack of commitment from clients and a difficulty in holding people accountable. I mean, I know that privacy, discretion, lack of consistency in desires and emotional discomfort are unavoidable within the trans community but it makes it really challenging for businesses.  Secrecy, false names, and no shows all make it tough to run a business successfully and ultimately make things really complicated. I have gone on travel and had people cancel on me. If you’re truly serious, pay a deposit; it is the only way I do business now. I’m going to hold someone’s appointment, so having a guarantee they will as well is a necessity.

K: How about in a more positive light, what is the most rewarding aspect?

M: Hmm, the most rewarding aspect…. Being able to see a quantifiable change in someone … both physically and emotionally. Seeing the benefits that my work with clients creates. I mean, you’re a good example, when we first met I feel comfortable saying that you were substantially less confident. [I totally agree!] And I’m not saying the whole change is attributed to me, because of course, its not, but it is rewarding to know I was able to help be a part of that. Helping somebody be the way the want to be and live the way they want to live is always rewarding, nothing else in the style industry compares to that.

K: What is the most common advice that you give your clients? Is there anything you find yourself repeating over and over again?

M: A woman’s waistline is two to three inches above where a man’s is, so two or three inches above your belly button… that is where skirts, belts and waists should go! Such an atrocity when I see it done wrong, its really annoying… its sooo easy to fix.

[This was, I believe, the second thing Monica ever said to me. Haha, things have come a long way!]

K: What do you feel is one most important thing that most trans-women overlook when it comes to personal style and expressing themselves?

A lot of people overlook mannerisms, it is a big missing piece, and it’s hard to learn to resocialize as female. I’ve seen people that will have recovered from surgery, been on hormones for years, and complain about getting “clocked” or “read”… all the physical things are in order but they still kind of act like men. It’s easy to overlook the importance of mannerisms and it isn’t something that has instant gratification, it’s a process… its takes a long time, but is worth it in the end.

Just to be confident and feel comfortable. Many people just need to put aside feelings of guilt and enjoy expressing and connecting with their femininity. Be there in the moment. Smile!... I’m constantly telling people to smile. Being comfortable puts others at ease and makes them comfortable. That is the resounding theme in everything I do.

K: Do you have any advice for those who are perhaps early in transition or still closeted and are self conscious or afraid of making those first steps into the world?

M: A client of mine once said:

             “Once I stopped worrying about being feminine and concerned myself with being my most beautiful person, my world completely opened up and I was comfortable.”

            You can’t get too hung up on looking perfect… Oh my god, I don’t look perfect, I don’t look flawless. Women don’t look flawless; we make mistakes all the time. The inner beauty and confidence is what ultimately translates. Focus on being your most beautiful true self rather than being your most perfectly feminine self.

K: That pretty much does it for my questions, thank you so much for taking time to chat with us Monica!

M: You’re welcome! I love you, you’re like a magical unicorn of a person.

K: Thanks [laughing], As we wrap up is there anything you’d like to share with the readers before we go?

M: I’d just like to let people know that I do a lot of appointments through Skype and it’s been very successful, we have a great time. Most people don’t realize that we can do so much over Skype from make-up lessons to personalized online shopping consultations, it’s always fun. 

I’ll also be out on the east coast March 1^st through 12^th in New York City, if anyone is interested in setting up a meeting. After that I’ll be at Keystone Conference the 13^th -16^th in Harrisburg, PA.

If you are interested in contacting Monica to setup an appointment or simply to find out some more info…

Find her on Facebook on the Nouveau She page 

Be sure to show her some love with a “like”!

Or

Visit her website at http://www.nouveaushe.com/

As always, be sure to “like” A Stylish Transition on Facebook and share with all of your friends!